A short play not at all inspired by recent events

I wrote this for More in Common from the Royal Court, which is well worth checking out. It was written fairly quickly so it’s not perfect.


(A high street, just after all the shops have closed.
TOMO is sat on a bench. JAY is pacing up and down)

TOMO: Sit down mate.
JAY: Mate I’m so-
TOMO: Hungry?
JAY: Bored.
TOMO: Right.
JAY: Nothing to do here.
TOMO: Never is.


JAY: Hey, dare me.
JAY: Go on.
TOMO: Don’t want you to do it.
JAY: Go On. Dare me.
TOMO: Not this shit again.
JAY: Mate it’’ll be a laugh.
TOMO: No it won’t.

(JAY gets out a huge knife)

TOMO: Put it away!
JAY: It’ll be hillarious.
TOMO: Why?
JAY: FIlm me, be viral mate.
TOMO: No. It’s gonna hurt.
JAY: Yeah?
TOMO: You’re going to be bleeding everywhere.
JAY: Right.
TOMO: Don’t want to call you an ambulance.
JAY: Uh-huh.
It’ll be funny though.
TOMO: Christ, no it wont.
JAY: Dare me.

JAY looks at TOMO, then at the knife.
Back to TOMO, back to the knife.
With one swift movement, he cuts his hand clean off.
He screams)

TOMO: Oh my god!
JAY: Why didn’t you warn me?


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